Have you ever felt stuck? In your everyday routine, your relationship, your job? Do you think about a happier time in the past and wonder what happened? Well, this is for you.

Where did my confidence go – and how to find it again

We’re oftentimes conditoned to behave a certain way very early on in life. Who doesn’doesn’t remember their parents say things like there’s a “good girl/boy” or “ naughty “ on the other end of the spectrum.

So your life revolves around being “good” enough for people around you to like you. That carries through into adulthood and you’ll even find it on social media, are your friends liking your photos and posts on Facebook? Do you care if they don’doesn’t ? Are you thinking twice before you share something because someone may not like it?

All of a sudden we’re not so confident anymore, if people around us don’doesn’t approve of what we’re doing or saying. We look for guidance in other people and sometimes there’s people who will abuse this lack of confidence.

The experience that changes you

About a year ago now, I escaped a pretty bad relationship. And I mean escaped quite literally, yes these horror stories are happening more than you would think and unless you’ve experienced it you’d have a hard time understanding what type of brainwashing goes on behind closed doors to make a person perform like a puppet.

The step out of the situation you’re in can seem like the scariest thing you’ve ever had to do. Especially because we’ve been conditioned to believe that we’re not enough and no one will believe us and it’s not really that bad, we should be grateful for what we have, considering we’re unlovable anyway.

I made about 20 attempts before I was truly out. And I was lucky I had friends that supported me through this time. You might think now that this is it, once you’re out, this will never happen again. But unless it gets processed and dealt with, it will repeat itself.

It’s not the end, it’s a start

Life is a journey At first it feels like pure freedom. Then you discover all the barriers and fears your mind has put in place to keep you safe, and it feels like you’re on your own again with no way out.

It’s easy to wanting to give up. And I believe that negative thoughts attract negative situations and people, same goes the other way around.

It’s all about change

A few months ago I started reading about self development, because I felt I had lost myself. I’m in the process of figuring out what I want in life, rather than what I don’doesn’t want. And it takes time, like a lot of time, and practice. But I’m not doing it alone, I’m actually seeing a psychologist every two weeks and I’m working with a life coach.

There’s a lot of information and stories out there about self development and changing the way we think and act, not only articles but also books that can be helpful. In the end it’s up to yourself, but figuring out the why and how to your reactions, feelings and emotions is essential and often easier to see from the outside, than when you’re caught up in it.

Reading someone else’s stories and making a connection to what you’re experiencing can be a valuable tool in breaking the cycle of hopelessness by changing your way of thinking and therefore reacting to a situation. It has worked for me, suddenly there was this “ lightbulb “ moment of “ I’m not alone “

After all we’re herd animals, we don’doesn’t want to be alone, but that doesn’doesn’t mean we all have to be the same. Of course we’re all different and that’s the beauty of it.

Life is a journey- enjoy

I have recently discovered, that my job doesn’doesn’t fulfill me anymore and that I’d rather have more time for my passions and hobbies. Truth is, I need to pay bills just like everyone else, so for the moment I’m kinda stuck with it. BUT I know it won’doesn’t be forever and I have also changed my way of thinking about it as it being the purpose of my life. It’s just a way to earn money and I make it as pleasant as I can while I’m there, but it’s something I will change in the future.

I’m already making changes, by taking time for the things I love instead of dwelling on how I don’doesn’t like my job. I’m actively looking for other areas to earn money and read up about stuff that sparks my interest, because I know I can do whatever I want to do and be good at it, if I commit to learning everything I possibly can about it.


And if it doesn’doesn’t work out, try again.

If this article resonates with you, feel free to leave a comment or send an email to winks@myhowtobehappy.com

I’m enjoying my journey, I hope you enjoy yours